What if I did not have Anxiety, Depression and Schizophernia?

Having a mental illness is hard to live with. Some days are harder than others. To me it is like running on a treadmil. I seem to never get where I am going no matter how fast or hard I run I can never get to where I am trying to go.

I have tried to imagine living without depression, anxiety and schizophernia but I just do not know how to even begin to imagine what life would be like. I have lived with my mental illness for so long I forgot what is was like to be happy. What it is like not to have to take medications. I feel like I am living in a hell that no one knows about not even my husband. The few friends that I do have do not even know what I go through on a daily basis. I just want to wake up in the morning and not feel sad. I want the demons out of my head. I want to know what it is like to sit and have a conversation with someone and just laugh and not have my head spining and no voices.

Below sums up everything pretty much. I would give anything to be happy.

I am trying to live. I have so many things that I want to do. But I just do not have the courage or strength to do them. I want to have friends and do things with them but I also just want to be alone. I am hoping that writting about my struggles will help others to know that they are not alone. Thank you for stopping by today my Sparkly Friends.

Things To Think About Thursday Part 2

Welcome to Things to Think About Thursday Part 2. Here are some things to think about today.

This quote hits home right now. I have to make a decession and I am going back and forth on it. I am just not sure what to do about it.

Thank you for stopping my today my Sparkly Friends! I hope your Thursday is AWESOME!

Words of Wisdom Wednesday

Welcome to Words of Wisdom Wednesday! I have been trying to stay positive. Every morning when I wake up I have been telling myself the following:

1. I Matter....no matter what I may think or believe I do matter. Living with Schizophrenia can be hard because you do not always believe it. I struggle a lot with this. But I do Matter, we all Matter.

2.I'll get through this.....No matter what the situation is you will get through it. No one ever said life was easy.

3. I am beautiful! I never let anyone tell me different. I know I am beautiful, cute, pretty all of that and a ton more.

4. I deserve to be Happy. Everyone deserves to be happy. I am not going to lie I do struggle with this A LOT. With my depression I often forget that I deserve happiness and sometimes I think that is never going to happen. I do not remember what it is like to be fully happy. But I do want to be happy and I do tell myself that I do deserve it. Even though some days are harder than others to believe that.

5.I will find peace and happiness. This is hard too for me to believe. Struggling with mental illness, I have said it before is not easy. But even though I may not always believe it I do tell myself I will find peace and happiness. It just takes longer for others.

6. I will survive because I will. My life could be a Lifetime Movie with everything I have been through. But I have survived it all and will continure to survive.

I want to get out of my messy funk. I am just so sick and tired of being sick and tired. I know I say this all the time, but it is true. Life is hard enough without having to live with the demons inside of yourself.

Remember that everyone is dealing with something. Even the happiest of people can be hiding deep secerts. So please treat others with respect. One smile, one phone call, one text, can make someones day for the better. I had a friend one day just call me out of the blue just to say Hi and she loves me. That totally made my day. If it was not for her I do not think I would have made it through the day. Just that small coversation made my day so much better.

Thank you so much for stopping by today my Sparkly Friends! I hope today is wonderful for you.

T.G.I.M - Motivational Monday Part 2

It's my part 2 for Motivational Monday........I know I skipped last week. I am still in a runt and trying very hard to still get out of it.

Here is to an other week and being AWESOME......I can tell you that I am feeling better. My mother in law has helped me get my apartment situated. She helped redo the living room, and the kids room. Which means instead of coming home and feeling like the walls are caving in. I feel a little sense of relief.

So it is Monday let's rock it today.

I need to remember this and distance myself from the negativity that I bring upon myself. Which I bring upon myself A LOT. I always feel like I put myself down. I always convince myself that I am a failure and I do not deserve any better. I really need to get out of doing this. So tomorrow I am going to try to just take it one hour at a time and not put all the negative thoughts in my mind.

Thanks for stopping by today my Sparkly Friends! I hope you have a Marvelous Monday! Don't Forget to Be AWESOME!

World Mental Health Day.....Oct 10, 2015

Things To Think About Thursday

I have been trying to have a more positive attitude lately. I want to start living the life I have always wanted to live. But sometimes when I am down and feel like I can not take on the world I put on my brave face.

But to be honest it can be so exhausting sometimes. There are times that I just want to crawl up in a ball and just stay there. Especially when there are bad days at work. Sometimes I just feel like I do not belong. But I put on my brave happy face, joke around, talk with the girls. I find myself just wanting to be honest I have no idea. I just want to truly happy.

I know we are all allowed to have our days.....it is just some of us have them more often than others.

But I know that tomorrow is another day....another day to let go of the little things that I can not control....to try to live happy....like I said before...it is me vs. me.....well me vs. me and me vs. the monsters that live in my head.