Wednesday, April 15, 2015

Day 16: Something I Am Really Struggling With

Something I really struggle with is my depression and anxiety. I have been on medicine now for about 2 months now and even though I feel better than I have in a very long time I still struggle with it. I believe it is something I am always going to struggle with. Having depression and anxiety is like drowning but no one see's you struggling.

I really do not talk to too many people about my depression and anxiety. There is a stigma that comes along with mental illness. I get described a lot as strong. But sometime I feel so weak and alone. There are times that I feel like all the walls are closing in on me and I am gasping for air. But I am smiling on the outside, dancing by the time I get home I am so drained I just want to lay down.

When I found out about Robin Williams, I cried. I know what it is like to feel so much paid that you feel like ending it all. I think of my kids not having there mom, my husband losing his wife, my mom losing her daughter.

I hope that one day my mental illness is something that I am not ashamed of. I want for mental illness to be recognized as a true illness and for there not to be any sort stigma with it. If I ever get to a point where I find myself start to get back into a dark place, I think of cute little happy bunnies. I know, it sounds crazy but hey who is to say it's not right?

A Fresh Start

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